Retreat and Augustine

RETREAT
The young adults retreat was blessed with BEAUTIFUL weather. I was really looking forward to a weekend of rest, fellowship, and teaching. We spent hours at the beach or playing games, and we spent hours in conversation.

The picture below captures a great moment during Catchphrase. =)






AUGUSTINE
While I was on the retreat I got the chance to do a lot of reading. I hadn't gotten very far into Confessions by St. Augustine when I came across a sentence that really impacted me.

"So too let him rejoice and delight in finding you who are beyond discovery rather than fail to find you by supposing you to be discoverable." ~ St. Augustine, Confessions

It is kind of hard to explain what I was thinking, but I will give it a try.

I liked the statement and it reminded me of my personal testimony in a lot of ways, but I didn't really like the words "beyond discovery". The connotation seemed momentary, as if to say that God could not be discovered by a person, but looking at the larger context that is clearly not the meaning. I talked several people about the phrase and the knowabilitly of God. I consulted some other books when I got home and prayed for wisdom regarding the words of Augustine.

In the end I am able to rejoice in the fact that I am finite and God is infinite. I will never know everything there is to know about God, but I will continue to understand Him more as I worship and serve Him. It is by God's grace that I did not fail to find God because I wanted understand everything about God and the universe before having faith. I can know God but will never know everything about every aspect of God. These sorts of paradoxes fill the first chapters of the book. Augustine says about God that He is "deeply hidden yet most intimately present...immutable and yet changing all things". I am looking forward to reading the rest of the book and thinking about more of what Augustine had to say.

Prayer

Last week there was a prayer meeting at church for the missionaries the church supports and specifically for Africa. Throughout the night I was listening to the men and women pray to our Lord with trust and faith. The prayers were bold and honest. It had been a difficult week for me leading up to the prayer meeting, but that time spent in prayer agreeing with my brothers and sisters in Christ was a beautiful time of fellowship with God. I was moved to tears several times by the prayers. The confidence I have in Christ and my love for Him should lead me to pray bold prayers, but I often don't pray this way.

Pray for Africa.

Pray that I would pray boldly and often.

Pray for the health of my grandfather (who I call Vovô Moa).

The New Adventures of Old Christine

A friend that I visited this past weekend suggested I call my blog The New Adventures of Old Christine. =) Well since my blog already has a name, I decided to use the title for this post since it seemed appropriate.

Last week I went on a whirlwind trip through Pennsylvania (York, State College, then Philly). I ended up staying with a different friend every night for 4 nights.

The main purpose of my trip back to PA was to meet with my former college professors and share with them the details of my appointment was a water engineer missionary. Hopefully while I am in Sudan, they will be able to answer questions or direct me to resources for information I may need. Overall my professors were excited for me, especially those I knew well. Many are looking forward to hearing about engineering in Africa. I did have a few professors say that I was being irrational (rationality is kind of a big deal for engineers), but all I can tell them is that serving and following my savior is completely rational.

I was especially looking forward to meeting with my former thesis advisor. The title of my undergraduate thesis was "An Analysis of Water Treatment in Developing Nations" (Sometimes I can't help but laugh when I look back at the ways God was working in my life over the years to prepare me for this call). I had talked to him while I was a student about organizations that were involved in water engineering overseas, and his years in the peace corps. He was glad to see that I would now be going overseas after over two years of experience at a manufacturing site in the United States. Not that 4 years of classes, tests, and homework isn't good preparation for being an engineer, but not much can replace the practical experiences of listening to pumps and tracing pipe.

It was a gray and rainy day in State College on Friday while I was visiting professors and walking around campus. I had several surreal moments when I almost thought I was a student again walking to lab or class along familiar paths. I was on autopilot as I walked from building to building... that is until I walked up to a building that wasn't there three years ago. I took some pictures and then continued walking at the brisk pace of a student who is trying to get back to their dorm for a nap between classes. There is something about Penn State that brings me joy as I remember the four wonderful years that I spent on this campus. I am thankful for all the experiences I had at Penn State from playing capture the flag in two feet of snow at 2 am to sitting in a dorm room having long discussions and even having anxiety attacks from a lack of sleep.

Overall it was a wonderful trip through PA. I met with my former campus ministers, the LAST student I know at Penn State (who happens to be the little sister of one of my peers), my former professors, several of my best friends, and then I had the chance to meet and pray with Larissa in person on my way home through Philly. I even got to watch Penn State beat Illinois on the big TV in the HUB.

Today I am getting ready to leave for the weekend again. This time I will be going to the beach for a retreat with the young adults from my church. =)

Mission Update

On Sunday I gave three mission updates at my home church. The first two were at the two morning services, and the third was at children's worship. I was incredibly nervous to be speaking in front of so many people. My heart was racing and my hands were shaking. I had no reason to be nervous sharing about what God has been doing in life in a room full of people who are for me, but I was. I kept repeating to myself that it isn't about me, that it is about God. I knew that God would give me words, and that even though I was stumbling over the words, God was in control. I hope that people were encouraged by how good and faithful God has been in my life. I know that I was encouraged by all the prayers that were prayed for me and for Sudan. I felt very loved.

I think the prayer that blessed me the most was prayed by one of the girls in children's worship. She prayed that I would make new friends in Sudan and that I would have fun. I have wonderful friends in Richmond who care about me enough to order me to ice my knee by email after falling on our run. =) I have many friends from high school and college that I am still very close with that I will miss dearly. This little girl's prayer reminded me that although I will in some ways be able to keep in touch with people that have meant so much to me, I need to be praying for the new friends that I will make in Sudan. These are the people with whom I will be sharing meals, taking walks, and reading scripture for two years.

I was wonderful to be a part of children's worship and see a group of 6 and 7 year old children reading scripture, praying in front of their peers, and singing songs of worship. After I gave a quick update to the kids at children's worship, they had the opportunity to ask me questions. They asked great questions about how the children in Sudan live and about how we clean water. It took me until my second year of college to feel like I understood what being an engineer means, so I didn't worry too much about explaining what I would do as an engineer to make water clean. Though at one point I had the impression that some of the children think engineers can perform miracles by turning the ground INTO water. =) Being a part of children's worship was such a blessing, and I am thankful to be a part of a church that loves missions and that shares that love of missions with the children in the church. Maybe in 15 years some of the children sitting in children's worship will be a missionary serving and following God's will for their life.

After the service I wasn't even really sure what I had said. I assume that I said some of the things that I had prayed about and written down over the past week. Some of the wonderful women in my Bible study assured me that I actually did say something that was comprehensible.

I can't say that I won't be nervous next time I give a mission update. I may always be nervous before public speaking, but I pray that it will never stop me from doing what God is asking me to do.

The Nightly News

The news today was similar the news on most afternoons. The main stories were the financial problems of the country, the devastation caused by hurricane Ike, and the death toll of a train crash in California. The news ended with a conversation about the lack of confidence Americans have in the institutions that manage their money.

In a time of fear and lack of confidence for many Americans, I am thankful that I know Jesus, who I can call my Surety. I have confidence in my salvation. I am certain that I am loved by God.

Hebrews 7:22 "Jesus has become the guarantee of a better covenant."

Haircut

I have long, extremely curly hair. It can be hard to manage and time consuming. It can even take several minutes to wet all the way through.

Every once in a while (especially in the summer), I consider going back to a short haircut like I had when I was a little girl. It would be so much easier.

Maybe I will consider it before I move to Sudan. =)

Half Way There

This month I reached a significant support raising goal: God has provided over 50% of my support! It has been a tremendous blessing to talk to so many people about Africa, water, and what God has been doing in my life. I am really excited to see how God will continue to provide for me.

Although I enjoy talking to people about these things, some days I am so tired of talking. For a person like me, spending most of my week with people and sharing with them can be exhausting. God continues to provide times of solitude or a good book to sit down and read. Even today I stopped by my favorite used book store with some friends from college who are visiting and picked up Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis. As much as I love books, every time I buy a new book, I am now faced with the consideration that I may not be able to finish it before I leave for Sudan. I will miss being able to go to the library or used book store to find new books to read.

Now that my months in Richmond are winding down, I am starting to look for the things I will need to take with me to Sudan. Some things have proven to be more difficult to find than others. I have yet to find a good battery charger than runs on a 12V power source. I was able to find a good headlamp on sale though! I also finally found a few long cotton skirts. I didn't think about how long it would take to find the things I will need for Sudan. It is hard to plan for two years in a continent I have never been to, but I am lucky to have gotten a lot of direction from the other missionaries on the Sudan team.

Now that the fall is here, I am looking at the weekends that I have left and making plans to visit people who mean a lot to me. I have some wonderful friends visiting Richmond even now! Over the last few weeks I have talked to friends and come to the sad realization that I will not be able to see some of them before I leave. I will be working until January and then things will start moving very quickly. I will move the things I am keeping to my parent's house in Florida, visit my grandparents in Brazil, and attend cross-cultural and language acquisition training for several weeks in North Carolina. Then it will be time to start preparing to leave in April or May!

It is amazing to think that this time last year I had just started praying about engineering missions, and I am now over 50% supported and about 8 months away from leaving for Sudan!

For all of my friends who have loved me in different way over the last few years during my journey to Sudan, THANK YOU! I need and appreciate your prayer.

Grace

In my last post I had asked you all to pray for me because I was longing for God. Thank you for praying! I guess this is an update of sorts.

On a particular Sunday over a year ago at church I was talking to a friend about how convicted we had been by the sermon. And then she said something I still remember. She said that the reason that every week she felt like the sermon spoke to her and applied to her life was because every week the gospel was preached.

After work last week I was getting ready to sit down and read, but instead I decided to look over my notes from the recent sermons at church. It was such a blessing to stop and reflect on the truth of the gospel and how the gospel changes everything. I love how God continually brings be back to these truths when I am far from Him.

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace
~ Caedmon's Call

Sweet Embrace

I was listening to a song and these lyrics really touched my heart. I long to drown in the sweet embrace of my savior. I am empty this week, and I miss God. My savior hasn't left me, and He promises He never will. Please pray that I would ask God what He wants me to do this week (or not do). Pray that I would rest and delight in God.

When I'm faithless, You are faithful

When I'm lonely, You surround me

And when I am empty, You drown me in your sweet embrace

And when I am broken, You come restore my joy again

~ Ten Shekel Shirt, "Sweet Embrace"

Engineering in Africa

I'm a woman, and I'm an engineer. I get asked a lot about what it is like being a woman who works in an industry that is predominantly male. As a woman engineer, I don't try to be "one of the guys". I am still a woman, and that is inevitably a part of how I do my job and interact with people. As a woman in engineering graduating from Penn State, I was able to learn from and work with many other women in engineering. My senior design group, pictured below, was all women. I have no idea what being a woman engineer will be like in Africa. I am sure that it will present unique challenges, but hopefully it will also present unique opportunities.


I work as an engineer in a job with nearly every resource available to me. If it exists, it can be shipped overnight and installed immediately. There are people with expertise in every practical area of engineering employed to answer questions and solve problems. Things will be very different working in Sudan.

The only things that I know about being an engineer in Africa are the things I have learned from conversations and emails with Michael. It is exciting to be preparing for something that I have been praying about in some way for almost five years. Yet even after all the ways that God has made His will for my life clear, I still have moments of doubt as I follow Jesus to something unknown.

I know that God has called me to serve Him in Sudan, but there are times when I think that I don't have enough knowledge or experience, that I don't communicate well enough, or that I won't be able to handle the challenges. The truth is that I need God, and He is sufficient. I hear the lies so often coming from the world, but when the lies start to go through my mind, I know I haven't been putting on the whole armor of God through prayer.

I am always convicted and encouraged by the words of Oswald Chambers on prayer and the armor of God. It is a little long for a blog post, but I hope it is worth the read for you.

You must learn to wrestle against the things that hinder your communication with God, and wrestle in prayer for other people; but to wrestle with God in prayer is unscriptural. If you ever do wrestle with God, you will be crippled for the rest of your life. If you grab hold of God and wrestle with Him, as Jacob did, simply because He is working in a way that doesn’t meet with your approval, you force Him to put you out of joint. Don’t become a cripple by wrestling with the ways of God, but be someone who wrestles before God with the things of this world, because "we are more than conquerors through Him ...." Wrestling before God makes an impact in His kingdom. If you ask me to pray for you, and I am not complete in Christ, my prayer accomplishes nothing. But if I am complete in Christ, my prayer brings victory all the time. Prayer is effective only when there is completeness— "take up the whole armor of God...."

Always make a distinction between God’s perfect will and His permissive will, which He uses to accomplish His divine purpose for our lives. God’s perfect will is unchangeable. It is with His permissive will, or the various things that He allows into our lives, that we must wrestle before Him. It is our reaction to these things allowed by His permissive will that enables us to come to the point of seeing His perfect will for us. "We know that all things work together for good to those who love God . . ." — to those who remain true to God’s perfect will— His calling in Christ Jesus. God’s permissive will is the testing He uses to reveal His true sons and daughters. We should not be spineless and automatically say, "Yes, it is the Lord’s will." We don’t have to fight or wrestle with God, but we must wrestle before God with things. Beware of lazily giving up. Instead, put up a glorious fight and you will find yourself empowered with His strength. ~ Oswald Chambers