As an undergrad taking classes like organic chemistry and thermodynamics the answers were clear. There was only one correct answer to problems assigned by professors.
Working as a process engineer at DuPont a little more uncertainty was introduced. You might be able to find all the information you wanted to solve a problem, but only with infinite time and money. I learned to make decisions with 80% of the information.
Then I moved to South Sudan, and I had access to even less of the information I wanted as an engineer approaching a problem. Finding accurate and relevant data was a challenge. I learned a lot by watching and listening.
As I learned to live in the gray areas of life in Africa, I finally spoke the words aloud that I was considering leaving traditional engineering and working in community development.
The Bible is full of mystery and paradox, and yet I push against every time it makes its way into my life.
Now I find myself sitting in classes being presented with many of the questions that I have been thinking about for the last several years.
When you ask questions like "What is poverty?", you aren't going to get a nice answer that fits into a box at the bottom of the page like π/2. Even an imaginary number has a precise mathematical definition and follows a defined set of rules. Now I sit in a class called economic development getting a degree called international development as we ask "What is development?". The answer most certainly does not fit in a box.
And so today as I reflected on our class discussion I had a lot of thoughts. I was excited about all the unique expressions of the coming Kingdom in different cultures around the world. I was feeling disillusioned about development work as I thought about how practitioners (including myself) use new and trendy words to describe the same tired paradigm. I recognized how the Holy Spirit has been at work guiding our team in Mundri. I saw the ugliness of my idolatrous heart that wants to serve for myself and not because of Jesus.
And isn't that a part of tension in so many things worth considering? We live in the paradox of the already and not yet and it can be an uncomfortable place to be for someone like me who likes neat answers that fit in boxes.
A little over a year ago as I considered a lot of questions that had come up in my time in S. Sudan I wrote this http://immeasurablymorewhm.blogspot.com/2011/05/more-complete-picture.html, and now a year later, I consider many of the same questions. I pray I continue to ask questions and learn, because if ever believe I have it all figured out... well that would be a dangerous day.
I'm sure that most of you who are reading this blog post are friends who have walked with me on at least part of this journey, so thank you for the grace you have shown me.
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