Easy Answers

When I meet new people and they ask me simple getting to know you questions, I often get overwhelmed. In this last season of transition, answering those questions was particularly complicated to the point that friends who know me well sometimes stepped in, breaking the awkward silence and summarizing for me.  =) 

Stranger: "Where are you from?" 

Christine: "Well.... Connecticut, Florida, Virginia, Brazil, but most recently South Sudan... I'm a TCK... Nowhere... I've lived a lot of places..." 

Stranger: "Isn't there an active conflict in South Sudan?"

Christine: "..."

Stranger: "What do you do?"

Christine: "Well...I'm a missionary, community development, facilitator, water engineer...." 

Stranger: *insert several follow up questions here*

*Visiting the city water system in Lui, South Sudan*

But now, for the first time in a long time I have simple, easy answers to getting to know you questions.  I just started a new job, so now when I introduce myself I can say "Hi. My name is Christine, and I'm a water/wastewater engineer from Richmond, Virginia."  The End. =)  Of course, there is more to that answer, like there is for most people, but the simple version is a good representation of this new season of life for me. I enjoy sharing my story and talking about South Sudan, but sometimes I just want to have an easy answer and pay for my groceries. =)

I'm thankful for the new job God has provided, and I'm thankful that at least for now, I have easier answers to basic getting to know you questions.  I'm also thankful for great friends who know me well and know the much longer versions to those questions!

Opportunities of a Job Search

My job search could be just that, a job search, but recently I've been considering what I might miss if I walked through this season on autopilot. I spend a large part of my days reading job descriptions, writing cover letters, and networking.  But the real story of this season thus far has been about my community in Richmond.

My church community has loved me so well in this season of unemployment.  I've had countless conversations with people who have taken the time to ask for details on the type of jobs I'm seeking.  I have had friends refer me to hiring managers.  I have had friends who have listened to me share the difficulties of looking for a job in the middle of a big life transition.  I have had friends take in to their home with amazing hospitality and generosity.  I have had many friends speak an encouraging word when I was discouraged. I could go on and on.  =)

God's provision and love for me in the midst this season of unemployment has been truly amazing.  God has not yet provided a job, but he provided an opportunity for my community to love and serve me and for me to receive that blessing. God also provided a reason for me to reach out and share my story with as many people as possible as I network in search of a job when my tendency in the middle of hard transition would have been towards solitude.

Everyone's experience of unemployment is unique, and mine certainly isn't typical.  I don't know how long this season of unemployment will be, but at this moment, I'm thankful for this season of unemployment even though there are many things that are hard about being a job seeker.

Excerpt from The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom:

"Thank You," Betsie went on serenely, "for the fleas and for--"

"The fleas!" This was too much. "Betsie, there's no way even God can make me grateful for a flea."

"'Give thanks in all circumstances,'" she quoted. "It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances.' Fleas are part of this place where God has put us."

And so we stood between tiers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong.

If you haven't read The Hiding Place, I highly recommend it, and you will get to whole story of the fleas.

I've been sharing about my own experiences as a job seeker, but this post would feel incomplete to me if I didn't mention that work is a complex issue. In particular, when someone says work, they often exclude all the work done in society that doesn't produce taxable income.  Work is a part of a person's identity as made in the image of God and is big topic. Too big for my blog.  =)

Fireless Cookers and Informed Giving

I am a BIG fan of appropriate technology solutions, particularly when they are created by the end users themselves.

Today on Amazon there was a story about a product called Wonderbag with the tag line "one of thousands of innovators changing the world on Amazon." Of course, my interest was piqued, and I had to learn more.

Immediately I thought, "Hey, I have something remarkably similar in the trunk of my car." At the moment, I don't have a kitchen, so my car has become storage.=)

Mine is handmade and was purchased several years ago from a Kenyan woman.  While there are some design differences, they are remarkably similar products.  The Wonderbag definitely allows for more flexibility in pot size, which is a plus. The engineer in me wants to do a side by side comparison of heat loss over time.  =) Our team has used fireless cookers like mine to make yogurt, cook beans, and keep food warm for years.  

The fireless cooker is not a new idea.  Appropriate technology solutions to global problems are being used by smart and resourceful people around the world, and sometimes they make it to U.S. markets and are called a great new innovation.  I don't know if I would call it innovative, but I do highly recommend fireless cookers! 

It really is a fabulous cooking tool, and you can probably make one yourself for a lot less than $50.  If you would like to purchase a Wonderbag because you aren't crafty and Amazon delivers it right to your door, go for it!  But if you are purchasing a Wonderbag because the idea of having one donated to a family in Africa appeals to you, I suggest you do a little research first.  It took me about 15 minutes to find the answers to these questions online.  

1. Where are the bags manufactured? Who is being employed to make the product? 

2. Is there follow-up for those who have received a free Wonderbag to ensure proper usage? *

3. Did they do their homework? Are they measuring results? **

I'd love to know a whole lot more about their theory of change, sustainability, and local markets, but finding answers to those questions would have taken longer than 15 minutes. =)

But it really doesn't take long to find out the basics, and you don't need a degree in International Development be an informed consumer and giver! 

And if you are waiting for the part of the post where I tell you if buying a Wonderbag will make a difference, it isn't coming. Wonderbag may have a positive economic, environmental, and social impact on the community.  Or it might not. I don't know enough, and even if I knew everything I wanted to know, it would still be hard to make that kind of definitive statement.  But there are best practices out there including manufacturing locally, following up especially when things are given for free, and measuring results.  

Want to make your own basket? Here is one design that is very similar to my own basket, but there are MANY others.  

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*Keeping food at lower temperatures for extended periods of time can increase bacteria growth, which is great for making yogurt, but not great if you are serving a meat dish and don't heat to the proper temperature.  

**Measuring impact (including spiritual metrics for Christian development practitioners) is often extremely challenging, but worth it in my opinion. 

Hope in South Sudan

South Sudan has dropped out of the news a bit over the last week after the news of a ceasefire agreement. While I was happy to hear this news, I wanted to share some additional points to consider for those who are praying for the newest nation in the world.

• As many as half a million people have been displaced within South Sudan and in neighboring nations
• As many as 10,000 may have been killed in this recent conflict
• The displaced are at tremendous risk for disease and severe malnutrition 
• Infrastructure that was built up in the last decade in the areas where the active conflict has been taking place has been destroyed in the space of less than two months
• Some of the aid including food and medicines being sent to refugee and IDP camps has been stolen, never reaching the most vulnerable
• Many of those displaced in this recent conflict were previously displaced by the civil war in Sudan and had returned to South Sudan with hope for peace and development sometime after the peace agreement of 2005 or independence in 2011
• It is unlikely that the displaced, who have endured long and expensive journeys to safety, will return to their homes anytime soon due to continued uncertainty and insecurity as well as the fact that many are unsure what still stands in their towns and villages

A ceasefire is a great step for the region, but it isn't that simple.  South Sudan has been a nation filled with hope following the end of decades of civil war, but in the face of these recent losses, hope isn't easy.  But the church in South Sudan is strong and filled with faithful men and women like Bishop and Rina! 

So continue to pray that this ceasefire would lead to lasting peace, and also pray boldly for a deeper reconciliation and unity that comes from the gospel.  Pray for hope in Christ who is victorious over death and brokenness.  

Also for those who have asked, Mundri is not one of the regions where there has been active fighting, but there has been an impact on the region with the disruption of services and supply chains, soldiers passing through, etc.

Disclaimer: This information is compiled from what I have read from various news outlets (including those based in East Africa) over the last weeks and filtered through my own experiences in South Sudan.  I love South Sudan, but I am not South Sudanese, so if you have a chance, talk and pray with someone from South Sudan.  

Transition Attacks

This week for the first time since returning to the U.S. I have experienced the tell-tale signs of a missionary navigating yet another transition.

I titled this post transition attacks, but that it is what it feels like, an attack.  I'm just walking along, going through my day, and all of a sudden I can't make a basic decision or I'm overwhelmed by emotion that significantly exceeds the magnitude of the trigger.  

Why this week? The whirlwind of leaving South Sudan, finishing grad school, and moving to Richmond is over.  More importantly, the recent violence in South Sudan has lasted over a month.  It isn't new, and so the shock is over and the grief has started in earnest. 

This transition in particular has come with a lot of grief and there has been little time until now to mourn the losses.  

I'm thankful that there are people in my life who are right there with me in this season.  I'm not happy that they are also grieving, but there is great comfort in being known, and these women know my heart because it looks a lot like their own.  There is even greater comfort that Jesus, "a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief," knows my heart.  (Isaiah 53:3)

Those who asked about South Sudan or any number of other topics related to my transition back to life in the U.S. probably found me at a loss for words this week.  It has been a Beams of Heaven kind of week, clinging to hope even when Satan's cause seems to gain.  So thank you to all who have shown me (and my teammates) grace in this season of uncertainty and transition.

Additional Note: There are hard and sad moments when I feel the way I described above, particularly after reading news about South Sudan, but it is a normal part of transition in these circumstances.  I really am doing well.

Door Half Open

If you have been reading my blog over the last few years, you may have seen that stability, or rather instability, has been a big theme.  So when I had to leave South Sudan earlier than expected, I choose to return to Richmond to be able to attend my home church and be near friends in search of a little stability.  

It has been a whirlwind few months saying goodbye to South Sudan, finishing my graduate degree, reading about the recent conflict in South Sudan from afar, driving up and down the east coast a few times, and starting my job search. Through all of this, God has faithfully been my guide, providing exactly what I needed in each moment.  This week though, I started to feel a bit lost.  

Why? Because the door to being able to move to Richmond and have some stability has remained half open. It isn't closed.  But it also isn't open.  Some things are falling into place in a way that I couldn't have imagined possible, and I'm really excited about some of the opportunities God seems to be opening up for ministry in Richmond.  As much as I'm excited about all these things, the reality is that to be able to move to Richmond, I need a full-time paid job, ideally in the non-profit sector. I've pursued several different options, but the door remains only half open.  

I've started looking for jobs in other cities, but the half open in door in Richmond complicates things for me. What does it look like to patiently wait on the Lord and not stubbornly wait for my own desires? Is there anything else I can do in pursuit of a job in Richmond? 

Clearly I long for more stability, particularly in community and friendships, so the moment Steve spoke the word stability in his sermon yesterday, he had my undivided attention.  

"The very foundation, the thing that holds us up, the thing that gives us stability, the thing from which we draw nutrition, all of that, is the love of Christ. 

If you do not feel, if you do not understand the love of Christ, there will be no stability in your life."   ~ Pastor Steve 

http://www.wepc.org/jan-12-2014-worship-guide-know-the-love-of-christ/

Talk about perfect timing.  Yesterday I needed to be reminded of the gospel and repent of the ways I had been seeking stability outside of the love of Christ.  

I'm still uncertain of a lot of things, including whether God will fully open the door to be able to live in Richmond, but my stability does not come from being a part of a particular community, my stability comes from the love the Christ. 

Of course there are believers in Richmond, South Sudan, and around the world that are experiencing far more uncertainty and instability than I am in this season.  My prayer is that they would also have the stability that comes with truly knowing the love of Christ.  

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This post seems like it could be part two of what God has been teaching me about His sufficiency in my life, particularly as it relates to community.  Check out my post from October on the reality of community if you missed it.  

http://immeasurablymorewhm.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-reality-of-community.html

Prayer for Peace

I have been meaning to write a post about the recent events in South Sudan, but honestly, I have been overwhelmed....

Overwhelmed by the daily email alerts on the current situation in South Sudan

Overwhelmed by the contrast between the last week for my friends in South Sudan and the last week for my friends in the United States

This week the gap between the already and the not yet just seems overwhelmingly large...

But as I am reminded that the world is not yet as it should be, I am also reminded in this season of advent that Jesus is the Prince of Peace.

The faith and hope of my South Sudanese friends has often been greater than my own.  Jesus defeated death, and the church in South Sudan, that has known so much suffering, proclaims this boldly.

Now as I read the recent news of violence in South Sudan, I know that the church in South Sudan is continuing to proclaim the gospel of peace as they long for what is to come, a day when there will be no more death or war.

So I ask that churches around the world join the South Sudanese in praying for immediate peace and reconciliation in South Sudan.

Truly He taught us

to love one another;

His law is love and

His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break

for the slave is our brother

And in His name

all oppression shall cease.

~ O Holy Night

*rainbow over South Sudan from my flight out of Mundri in November*

The Equatorial Sun

The best word I can use to describe the equatorial sun in South Sudan is INTENSE.  I spend my days trying to hide from the sun under trees, in the shadow created by a large vehicle, under my hat, etc.  Some days the sun actually hurts my skin.  Michael is known for his sayings including "Never underestimate the power of the equatorial sun to reduce productivity."  

In the middle of the day when the sun is scorching the clothes on the drying line, the plants in the garden, and my skin, I try to remember the INTENSE BEAUTY that comes as a result.  I have seen many beautiful sunsets, but nothing quite compares to the glow cast on everything by the setting sun in equatorial Africa.  I wish you could all see with your own eyes the intensely beautiful sunrises and sunsets of South Sudan, but for now, a few pictures from the last month will have to do. =)

*Sunrise on an early morning walk with Larissa*

*Women greeting each other on the road at sunset*

I love the orange sunsets on the main road after a truck has kicked up some dust!

*Sunset at dinner time* 

I ran to get my camera, but I wish I had a picture of what the sky looked like just two minutes earlier.  Intense color!

The Reality of Community

I have heard that most missionaries leave the field because of team conflict. Yes, it is true that ministry can be challenging, cross-cultural interactions can be confusing, and the living conditions may be hard, but the greatest challenges often lie in living and serving with other sinful Christians.

Our team has had our share of conflict over the last few weeks, and while it has been hard, as we address the conflict, admit sin, repent, show grace, and forgive, it has also been restorative and part of God’s sanctifying work in each of our lives.  This has definitely been true for me over the last week in particular.
 
I have been rereading Bonhoeffer’s Life Together over the last few days, and it has been both encouraging and convicting.  This little book is just packed with goodness.  I will only mention a couple of things here, so I highly recommend reading and rereading the whole book.  

So what have I been learning?

First, I am weak, and other Christians can be a tremendous blessing to me in my weakness.

“Therefore the Christian needs another Christian who speaks God's Word to him.... The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother's is sure. And that also clarifies the goal of all Christian community: they meet one another as bringers of the message of salvation.” p. 23

“Do we really think there is a single person in this world who does not need either encouragement or admonition?”  p. 106

Secondly, community is a GIFT from God.  It is not guaranteed to the Christian.  God is the All-Sufficient One.  While it is very good for me to have Christian community, I do not NEED community.

“It is easily forgotten that the fellowship of Christian brethren is a gift of grace, a gift of the Kingdom of God that any day may be taken from us.” p. 20

Thirdly, and most importantly for me in this season, comparing my current experience in community to previous experiences is not helpful.  In fact, it is very detrimental.

“If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary we only keep complaining to God that everything is so paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ.”  p. 29

I have failed at this in major ways over the last year.  My sinful heart wants the gifts of grace I have received from God in previous seasons of my life as I walk through today’s trials.  I have failed to see God as sufficient. I have also placed expectations on others that have made it even more difficult for the community that I desire to grow.  I have spent a large part of the last year praying for stability in friendships.  It has been a very long time since I have had a prayer partner.  I miss the reciprocity and familiarity of those relationships.  But instead of trusting God through this rather solitary season, I either tried to force community or retreated in unhelpful ways.  In hind sight I see that God was teaching me about his sufficiency.

Getting away from abstractions, I had some very challenging interactions with men in town last week.  These interactions were by no means appropriate, but because I “reacted to the circumstances of life rather than responding to the knowledge of God,” (Lord, I Want to Know You, Kay Arthur) it became a much bigger deal to me than it had to be.  I let it get to me in a way that had me doubting my identity in Christ.  And my sinful heart led me to interact poorly with my teammates as I struggled.  I both sought support from my community in a demanding and sharp way and retreated from what support was available.  After three hard days, I took a day to be alone in prayer, reading scripture, and listening to a few sermons from my home church.  God met me in a beautiful and loving way that day.  The next day, I had some good redemptive conversations with my teammates.  I initially reacted out of unbelief, and I did not deserve God’s grace to me in the days that followed, but that’s the heart of the gospel!

Satan is at work in Mundri, and would like nothing more than to create conflict on our team, to cause me to doubt my identity in Christ, and to lead any one of us to stop following God in the battle.  What does this look like? Satan uses my circumstances to accuse me of being inadequate and alone, but God has already won the battle and is victorious in my life.  I belong to God, and my identity is secure.  God will never leave me or forsake me.

This morning before I sat down to do write this blog post, do some homework, prepare my lesson for girls’ club, and work on the community questionnaire for my nodding disease study, I decided to listen to a sermon from my home church titled Grace and Peace.  Pastor Steve said, “There will never be peace anywhere in the world until grace reigns.” He continues saying “there will never be peace in your heart … until grace reigns.” My first thought was that there will never be any peace on our team until grace reigns. I am still learning a lot about grace, and I am thankful for the opportunity to learn about grace in community with a bunch of other sinful missionaries who minister from weakness.

“When the message of grace yields the fruit of peace then we possess and wield gospel power” ~ Pastor Steve

In the end, team life has its challenges, but it also has great rewards. Who wouldn't want to be a part of this crazy community?!

Do No Harm?

After reading Do No Harm by Mary Anderson, our class decided that our book on development would probably be called something more like Do Good... and as little harm as possible.

Because in research, development, missions, and so many other fields, you are probably going doing to do some harm even with the best intentions.  So what to do? Well, if you don't know what to say in Dr. B's class, just raise your hand and say prayerful discernment.  It sounds like just another cliche Christian answer, but really that is one of the main lessons I learned at Eastern.   In the middle of really complicated, messy, and grey development work, we can enter into a process of prayerful discernment, trust in the guidance of the holy spirit, be humble, do our homework on best practices, keep learning from others, and a bunch of other things, but you get the idea.

This is more a reminder for myself than anything else, but since lots of people ask me what I read at Eastern and what I learned, here it is for you to consider as well.   And I would recommend the book for those interested in development.  There is a lot to be gleaned from Mary Anderson's arguments and the case studies she presents.