I Know My Guide

Today I bought a one-way plane ticket back to the US for December. It feels like I just got back to Sudan, but in the last month a lot has happened including South Sudan becoming the newest nation in the world! I doesn't feel right to be making plans to leave already, but with international travel, buying early makes a big difference, so here I am booking flights and registering for a missionary debriefing program.

I have been feeling the uncertainties in life on so many levels this week. I got sick, so stayed around the compound instead of moving around Mundri on my bike. It rained the day I was supposed to teach my first science lab skills class at Mundri Secondary School, so it is postponed to next week. I'm making plans to attend a debriefing and renewal program when I return to the US not knowing for sure where I will be living or what exactly I will be doing at that time. I am making tentative plans to live near the graduate program in international development to which I am applying, not knowing if I will be accepted or if God will lead me in some other direction by next summer. I didn't really even know what I would be serving for dinner this morning until I walked through the market and found four avocados and brown lentils so we are having lentil burgers with guacamole.

There are times when I just roll with the uncertainties of missionary life, but this week I have been noticing it a bit more than usual. Being sick at home for a few days probably has a bit to do with that since I had a lot more time to think. Some of those thoughts were unhelpful thoughts as I was feeling guilty about not being able to do the things I had planned. It seems that when I'm sick enough to be slowed down, but not so sick that I that I can't function at all, it is so much easier to believe lies and heart idols abound. Karen and Bethany prayed that while I was still sick God would give me good rest, time for prayer, and good quiet times with Him as my body recovered, and again I was encouraged by the women of my team in my unbelief.

So today as I make plans for being in the US early next year and I am feeling torn between not wanting to leave Mundri, missing my friends and family, and knowing that for now God is leading me towards grad school next year. Today also the lyrics of a song our team sings often are running through my mind.

"I do not ask to see the way
My feet will have to tread;
But only that my soul may feed
Upon the living Bread.
'Tis better far that I should walk
By faith close to His side;
I may not know the way I go, but oh, I know my Guide."


Well that was just a little view in my thoughts today. Kind of scattered. I pray that if you are feeling the uncertainties of life and your thoughts are also scattered you would cling to the truth that we know our Guide.